Accepting support can help you be in touch with your essential perfection

In the medical professions, we are conditioned to see ourselves as more accomplished and knowledgeable than the rest of the population. That worldview comes with a huge amount of responsibility and the feeling that not knowing something is unacceptable.

Reaching out for support outside of the medical professions helps us stay in balance as human beings. Inner balance and personal growth are essential ingredients to continued professional excellence. 

How the conditioning happens

On my first day at veterinary school in 1993, I walked into a darkened auditorium full of strangers for our welcome speech. I felt excited, brave, nervous, accomplished, and new all at once. Who of these many people would become friends? Who would be my teachers? What would the courses be like? I was proud to have made it this far, to have gained entry into veterinary school. I was confident I could do it. 

That first hour, we were welcomed, given instructions, and a virtual tour. At the end of the lecture, we were told that as doctors, we would be one of the most important professions out there. We would know more than anyone! People (and animals) would rely on us for their wellbeing, and it was up to us to live up to those expectations. Study hard, be the best you can be.

I recognized the sentiment of being better than others as pompous and laughed at it, deciding to dislike that particular professor – but a part of me believed what he said; had indeed already believed it before he said it. I was smarter and better than many, right? I made it into vet school! 

“Oh, you’re a vet!”

6 years of veterinary school and almost 20 years of practicing have cemented that belief deeper. Everyone I meet will respond with awe – “Oh you’re a vet! That’s amazing! You know so much! Can you help with that? What do you know about this?”

The title is so fetching that people expect me regularly to know everything about every animal under the sun – spider toxins, classification of birds, digestive systems of lions and giraffes, fish, and Galapagos tortoises (if there is such a thing). Every time I couldn’t answer a question, didn’t know a diagnosis or treatment, couldn’t save an animal, or ease its pain, a part of me felt like I’d let someone down. After all, I should know the answer! Saying “I don’t know” felt like dirt on my brilliantly shining armor of being the ‘doctor’. It felt shameful. 

Professional coping mechanisms

In practice, over the years I’d developed scientific and reassuring ways of saying “I don’t know”: It could be this or that, we could try XYZ, there isn’t enough known about this, etc. 

Life is complex, and disease in humans and animals just as much. However much we learn, we will never know it all. We can do the best we can to comfort and heal, but often, it will seem to not be enough. And for us in the healing professions, this “not enough” is hard to bear, because it seems to us as a direct judgment on our capabilities. So we resolve to work harder, learn more, develop a specialty to reduce those moments. That strategy has its merits, but it also has a serious downside. We don’t allow ourselves to relax, to be good enough, just as we are. Many of us take the quest to become even better into our downtime and run, bike, mountain climb or do other extreme sports, so that our bodies may keep up with the demand of becoming ever better. 

The one thing we don’t do is to ask other people for help. After all, helping is our domain! We are taught and told that we are the best, and we need to keep that up. Even admitting that at times we don’t feel like we’re coping can sound like a failure in our ears. We say: “I just need to rest, take some time off.”

After all, everyone knows that medicine is demanding and takes its toll.

What we don’t see on this road is that we are cutting ourselves off from the support that is all around us.

• We don’t allow patients to emotionally support us because that could be “unethical”.
• We don’t allow ourselves to feel the emotions of loss or failure because we need to look like we’re in control.
• We don’t reach out to our communities because we need to be seen as perfect.
• We put up boundaries because we need NOT be asked any more questions after work!
• We isolate ourselves and stagnate in our personal growth. 

Professional growth will only go so far without personal growth.

To be a doctor who can hold their patients, clients, and staff, and handle difficult situations, and continue to be open to new developments and new learning regularly – someone who can keep an open mind and not get stuck in the “way we’ve always done it” – you need to take time to grow as a whole person, not just as “the vet”.

In this age, when everything evolves so quickly, and more and more people demand integrated healing methods, healthcare providers need to cultivate an open mind. Patients will love your interest and appreciation of what they have tried, and disregard your advice more easily if you disregard their knowledge. Having that open mind will continuously bring you into situations when you “don’t know”. Growing as a person in wisdom and self-knowledge will enable you to become comfortable in that space. Your patients will love you all the more for that.

Additionally, you will gain access to a network of doctors and healers who support each other and work together. As you grow your connections within that network, your confidence will grow, your load will lessen, and the emotional toll of your work will be shared among many. Trust me – we’ve all been there.

Mentorship

Successful CEOs and leaders in almost any profession know that mentorship is crucial for success. Not only does a mentor provide learning and insights, but more importantly, they provide emotional support from a person you trust. Your mentor will be able to metaphorically speaking hold your hand through difficult situations and support you on your journey to grow beyond who you are right now. Whoever you are in this moment, growth is inevitable. With help and companionship, the journey of personal growth can be joyous and satisfying, even exhilarating. 

Of course, we all know that mentorship within practices is crucial. That is where you learn the tools of the trade. However, to be a balanced human being you need to pay attention to your attributes that are not strictly ‘the doctor’.

Which road to take?

There are thousands of personal development programs available – pick one. There’s a reason this one came into your life – take what it teaches you, then find another one.

Spending time on your growth as a person will benefit your performance, your confidence, and your ability to extend compassion and empathy to others. As you become familiar with the shades of your being as a human you can understand others better; in understanding, your ability to help and support increases. By sharing these programs with others from different walks of life, you will find that we are all fallible. We all share the same doubts and fears. We are all specialists in our arena. There’s no need to make yourself special. You are one of us, with a job as important as the next one – no more, and no less.

Getting in touch with your essential perfection

As you age, your wisdom and experience increase. Eventually, you will find that all those mistakes that you made were essential for your path and the path of the others who were involved. That doesn’t mean you stop caring to be and do the best you can. What emerges is an understanding that in any moment you have been and done just that.

You begin to see that you can’t do anything other than your best and that in any situation, with the information that was available to you at the time, you did the best you knew. When the moment comes when you deeply understand this, the years of ‘not good enough’ will drop from your shoulders like a bag of sand. You’ll walk as lightly as someone who’s just taken their ski boots off. You’ll be able to see your essential perfection as a human being. And as you see it in yourself, you’ll be able to see it in the people around you as well. 

Ask for help

Just like any path, you can find that way by yourself. However, if traveling through uncharted territory, it helps to ask someone who’s got a map – you’ll get there quicker! Your mentor, spiritual teacher, therapist, or coach is the person who’s traveled that path before you. Being at ease in yourself and in balance as a human being supports your professional performance. It helps you continue to be joyful in a career that is demanding, and do your best without losing yourself.

Reach out, ask for help, be human. Trust us; we are here to support you.

You are not the only person who likes to help. 😊😍

If you are interested in finding out how we support healthcare professionals and healers through inquiry-based learning and mindfulness practices, reach out! Email me at stef@theleaderswork.com, or book a free, no obligations strategy session here.

Check out some free tools to get you started here!