The Illusion Of Control Part 2

This blog post in 3 parts explores the thinking and validity of the belief systems behind the habit of planning our lives. We spend energy in planning what to do, visioning, and daydreaming a future that we imagine being in some way improved from our life now. We work hard for a better future. Doing that, we miss the opportunity of being joyful and satisfied with our life right now.

The Illusion of Control Part 1 explores the reasons behind our planning habits, and what we hope to gain.

“We have to overcome the present moment in order to get to the next, better moment, we treat the present moment as our enemy. This is clearly insane!”

Eckhart Tolle

With increasing self-knowledge, we can start to see the patterns in our life that keep us from being present and enjoying life – not only on vacation but also at work. Inquiry can help us question and release our underlying beliefs and fears that keep us believing in that future happiness.

Inquiry – August 2019:

I’ve decided to join in the family holiday a few days later so that I an accomplish some work. I’m working 32 hours at a job plus starting my own business and writing a book. I believe in working hard for a better future. I plan ahead so that I can achieve improved happiness. Without a plan, it will never happen. 

“I have to plan my life.”

The process of Inquiry is also known as ‘Inquiry-Based Stress Reduction‘ or ‘The Work Of Byron Katie’.

The process of Inquiry allows us to question our thinking and find more clarity. It is 4 questions and turnarounds as outlined below. Anything can be questioned; what is important in the process is to keep an open mind for the answers (allow them to rise in a mediative space), and not inquire with any motive.

“I have to plan my life” – to work for a better future.

Question 1 of Inquiry:

Is it true?

YES, YES, YES. Without planning nothing will come together. Without planning nothing will be accomplished. Yes, it’s true.

Question 2 of Inquiry:

Can I absolutely know this is true?

No. I could let go and find out. One could let things slide. I can’t absolutely know, no.

Question 3 of Inquiry:

How do I react, what happens when I believe this thought? 

I sit and plan. I get whisked off into the future to plan. It’s absolutely necessary to not pay attention to right now so that I can plan for later, next month, next year. The imagined ‘I’ becomes of the utmost importance. The further ahead I plan, the more important this ‘I’ becomes, the more glorious, powerful, rich and famous. 

I leave my body behind in these daydreams, and when I get back it has been sitting in cramped, unsupported positions, and my back is sore. 

This future version of my life is always more important than my family and friends right now. Oh no, I can’t hang out, I have to work for this future. Oh no, I can’t go on holiday and spend time with you guys. These future castles in the cloud are fun too, a perfectly good reason to not be present. 

Working for a better future

When someone disturbs this ‘working for a future’ I become impatient, short, and irritated. The impatience and anxiety I feel in my lower abdomen. It’s churning and burning. I have to get back to work! Working hard is important! 

In my imagination, my daughters are stuck in a poor life because they kept me from planning and working ahead. They are blaming me. I see my husband gone off because I was happy in a present that doesn’t fulfill him. If I earn enough money to buy his farm I get to keep him AND do what I want. I get very attached to this imagined future. It’s hard to pay attention to this inquiry right now because I want to plan next year. 

Being at work irritates me because it takes my time away from planning, from working for a different, better future. In meditation, my focus gets whisked off into planning. In this moment right now, the ‘I’ seems never good enough.

Question 4 of Inquiry:

Who would I be without this thought?

Working the Work.Camping at Lost Lake with the family. 

I abandoned this inquiry here last year. Now its March 2020. I’m still doing a lot of planning and working a lot.

Who would I be today, without this thought?

Doing what I’m doing in the moment, present with the task at hand. I can plan too, but I’m not always in planning mode. I can also sit in meditation, stroke the cat, drink the tea, do the dishes, go camping.

Right Now, I sit on the bed. I notice how I’m slumped and adjust the body to be more comfortable. I stretch my shoulders out. Going back to writing I keep a small part of awareness in the body. That feels good. 

I notice how the writing flows even while I’m present in physical form. 

I notice I’m back into planning – coming back to present. What else, right now, without this thought? 

A smile appears. 

I enjoy the moment.

This enjoyment has nothing to do with the task, nothing with what I will get out of it. The smile and the joy it brings rise simply out of the awareness of Being. Noticing my fingers on the keyboard, aware of shoulders, aware of a flow of breath, a flow of thought.

Another planning thought comes in, and as I see it, it can also be allowed to leave. I can continue to focus on this inquiry. My attention becomes very focused and very clear. I notice what is pure presence, and I notice the thoughts that bring motivations, future, and past. It feels apparent, very connected to me, and to the world.

Time, in this moment, has ceased to exist. As I write this, I notice how the thought of time is always connected to anxiety or expectations. The thought of time creates a disturbance in this calm, clear pool of presence. Being here, this moment just is, it stretches out. The body is comfortable; joy is apparent. As soon as the thought of time appears this moment ceases to exist. Life becomes a race for another moment of ease, at another time, and supplied by countless past images of NOT THIS – demands of a human life, interfering with joy and presence.

Life has become burdensome, and joy has left.

Turnarounds

After answering the 4 Questions, we find opposites to the original statement and find examples for how these could be as true. These opposites are called ‘Turnarounds’. these turnarounds can enlighten us to different reasons why believe these thoughts or open possibilities as to what happened.

“I don’t have to plan my life.”

This is true. It’s a choice. I can clearly see the other possibilities, and I see that FEAR dictates my action. I could choose not to plan, and I’m afraid of what this will bring down on me, on us. Failure, divorce, suffering, unemployment, no house, sickness, judgments. I notice how I want to believe in being supported, in the power of a friendly universe, and how I fear being out of control. 

This thought makes me chuckle knowing that I don’t really have control to start off with.

“I have to let my life go unplanned.”

This is another future concept. I notice how I believe in it theoretically and that it caused enormous amounts of anxiety right now. I could do this right now, for a month? Let flow dictate how I spend my day, rather than plan and intention. I see my husband judge me, I see my time wasted, my business failed. OHHHH this is so scary!

I also see the promise of happiness, images of freedom, presence, joy in the body, shared with my kids – and I notice that mind swiftly moves it further into the future: once I have earned a lot of money, I can try this in safety.

Fascinating. I wonder if I’ll dare. 

Does it mean I stop working???

Sitting with what I’m finding out in this Inquiry, I notice that it doesn’t translate into not spending time at work. It translates into being present with what I’m doing in every moment and noticing the stress of working for a future. When I work for future happiness, I lose the satisfaction of doing something well right now. When I’m present right now, my body feels better, I’m happier, and I’m actually more productive, and more creative. The stress arises when I believe that I have to sacrifice joy right now.

It also means I enjoy taking time off! I know that I can’t do everything today, no matter how hard I try. I work efficiently for 6-8 hours, then I’m off work. Daily meditation is part of my work time. It helps me stay focused, creative, and joyful.

Read The Illusion Of Control Part 1

Sign up for The Leaders Work Blog

Try Inquiry for your work life: The Leaders Work Inquiry Experience or Strategy Book