How can I deal with a stressful situation at this moment as it occurs?

We’d all like to be better at managing stress – of course, because stress is uncomfortable! Paradoxically, we spend precious little time following through on that wish – the reason is that we believe we don’t have the time to do it right. Instead, we look for shortcuts. Just tell me how to deal with a stressful situation at this moment as it occurs! And when these don’t work, we assume that stress has to be a part of life, and we need to just ‘suck it up’. Would you like to change that?

Just give me the shortcut!

Talking on podcasts and in interviews when I present my work, this is often a question I get. I imagine you’d agree that a daily practice of relaxation and a commitment to being deliberately calm will behoove you better in the long run – but then, there it is: we live in the short run! You live in the now, for better or worse, and for most of us, the now is a constant series of changing scenarios that influence how we feel. The long-run is a future that might never happen, so unless our Now is severely uncomfortable, we are not inspired to work for it.

Living in the eye of the storm

A client recently described his reason for reaching out as being tired of living in the eye of a storm. Sound familiar? If you have lived for a while, especially with a challenging career, and look up and about, this is most likely your experience as well. One thing happens after the other and you are called to act, react, and move on to the next.

It is hard to keep track of one’s essence, one’s sense of self as solid, entire, or authentic being in this human experience of constant input. So to protect yourself you probably have started to put up boundaries against those influences that are most jarring and most depleting. And while boundaries are better than being torn to pieces, they still take energy to maintain. Imagine how it could feel to instead be in flow with what happens, and effortlessly connected to the energetic input of life?

Too little time

Because we live in a construct of time – and time is limited during every day by its very nature – we feel the pressure of needing to move fast. Slowing down is a scary concept that challenges what you know about time. That’s why people ask this question – what can we do to deal with stress in a way that doesn’t slow us down – much? Understandably, this question is asked, but it’s nonsensical. If the speed with which you move is making you feel out of control, you need to slow down.

This statement is also true for situations that might not obviously be time-related. Yet think about it- you have a disagreement with a patient, or a coworker – what keeps you from sitting down right away with them to sort it out to the best of your abilities is the thought that you don’t have the time right now. You’ll do it later.

Same with any stress – you believe that right now, you just need to move past it. This translates into “I shouldn’t have to deal with this right now”. You tell yourself that later you’ll learn how to do it properly. And later never comes.

Be a conscious creator of your life experience

You create your future reality at this moment. Every action you take right now dictates what the next moment looks like. Learning to be unaffected by stress requires a commitment to start now, to slow down this very moment, and become aware. First, become aware of how this time-triggered race feels in your body. Likely you’ll feel a pulling sensation, and notice that you were hardly breathing at all. This lack of breath creates a fear response in the body, making you run faster. As long as you don’t pay attention you’ll think that you need coffee or sugar to sustain yourself. Actually, all you needed was some air.

The first thing that happens when you slow down enough to notice reality at this moment, feel your body, and notice your breath, is a deep breath in. And as you enjoy that one, another happens. And another.

As these breaths create space and joy in the body, you’ll notice your world slowing down around you.

It’s really quite miraculous. And it feels great.

Now, unlearning your 30, 40, or 50 -odd years of running isn’t going to happen in one moment. It’s a commitment and a practice. It requires a sincere wish to being fully, totally you; energetic, authentic, and joyful. Imagine being that. How would your life look like?

Imagine being present in your life, coherent, and in tune with life. Imagine having space for connections, and the ability to ease tension wherever you go – because you are relaxed. If that’s what you want, it’ll require an identity shift on your part. You can do it, but not with flimsy short-term solutions. These have their place within a lifestyle committed to being calm, coherent, confident, and authentic.